A couple thoughts to share regarding the horrific events at Virginia Tech this week and how to address your children's concerns.
1) If the kids are discussing it, you need to discuss it. If you don't, you send the message that it is too horrible to discuss, and that is terrifying to children. What kids imagine is worse than the facts.
2) Stick to the facts. There are lots of rumors and unfounded stuff out there. Stick to what is known and say "we don't know" for the questions that don't have answers.
3) Emphasize that this is a big deal because it is unusual. Kids don't have the perspective we do as adults that what makes the news is the rare, not the common.
4) Everyone deals with fear and related feelings in their own way. Some kids don't want to talk about it. Some kids do. Some seem "inappropriate" in what they say. Respond to the feelings and not the content.
5) Don't dwell on it. When the main facts and feelings have come out, it's time to get on with your regular routine. Make sure kids know you're available to talk later if they want.
6) Short term normal reactions to this sort of thing include changes in appetite and sleep. It may also turn up in children's artwork and in conversations about other frightening or sad things they have experienced. All of these things should fade as time goes on. If they don't, you may wish to consult your pediatrician or someone in the mental health field. Please let us know at school if we can help.
Also, I, like many, was struck by Nikki Giovanni's poem which she read at the memorial yesterday in Blacksburg. It shows below.
We are Virginia Tech.
We are sad today and we will be sad for quite awhile. WE are not moving on, we are embracing our mourning.
We are Virginia Tech.
We are strong enough to know when to cry and sad enough to know we must laugh again.
We are Virginia Tech.
We do not understand this tragedy. We know we did not deserve it but neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS, but neither do the invisible children walking the night to avoid being captured by a rogue army. Neither does the baby elephant watching his community be devastated for ivory; neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib in the home his father built with his own hands being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized. No one deserves a tragedy.
We are Virginia Tech.
The Hokier Nation embraces our own with open heart and hands to those who offer their hearts and minds. We are strong and brave and innocent and unafraid. We are better than we think, not quite what we want to be. We are alive to the imagination and the possibility we will continue to invent the future through our blood and tears, through all this sadness.
We are the Hokies.
We will prevail, we will prevail, we will prevail.
We are Virginia Tech.
